Say goodbye
by Jessica12
Summary: The bedroom scene from "Requim"......HMMMM :)


Title: Say goodbye  
  
Author: Jessica ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Category:MSR, RST  
  
Spoiler: Requiem  
  
Archive: Wherever..Just let me know where  
  
Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se  
  
Summary: Remember the scene in Requiem, in bed together...  
  
Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX   
and they are not mine.   
  
Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar  
mistake may occur.  
  
She's sleeping now. It feels good to hold her. It has been   
a long time since she let me hold her. She has pushed me away  
so many times. I know she's scared. She tries to hide it   
behind that huge wall she cares around her heart. But I know  
her now. I can read what she's feeling. Her eyes give it   
away. They speak what she can't put into words.  
She trembles a bite in my arms and I pull her closer. It's nice  
to have her so close. I can almost hear heartbeat. It's funny  
but I have never ever come so close to anyone that I have come  
with her. It scares me sometimes to have someone that knows  
you so well. But sometimes I let myself dream of what might be.  
I know, I should not dream. I know all to well what they   
future holds for me. But I can't help but dream.  
I let go of her and lay down beside her. I lay there facing  
her. Her face is so calm now. All the worries that has marked  
her face over the years is gone now. I wonder if she knows   
how beautiful she is. I think not. I wish I could tell her that  
someday. There are so many things I want to tell her. I have   
never considered myself to be a coward but when it comes to  
matters of the heart I have always been afraid. I have never  
been in love, so how can I know that what I feel is love?  
The only thing I know is that I want her in my life. She has  
such power over me. She knocks me of my feet with just one  
smile. When she is around me my legs are so weak and I feel  
dizzy. I get this feeling in my stomach when I think about   
her and I'm warm all over. Is that love? I don't know. They  
only thing I know for sure is that I want her, I need her,  
I yearn for her.   
My hand tremble a bite as I reach out and stroke her cheek.  
Her skin is soft under my hand. She's still sleeping. Oh,  
God she's beautiful. She's like an angel.   
I wish we could stay like this forever. I wish we could just  
shut the world out and just stay her together. But I know   
what I have to do. I wish I could just get up now and turn  
my back to her and walk away. Just like that. I wish that I  
could be strong like that. But I know the hardest thing I will  
ever do is to leave her. I know I can't be with her. God have  
showed me another path to walk on. I used to think we would  
stay together forever. I used to dream about that. I even  
made up plans. Silly me, but I thought this would last forever.  
I never expected faith to step in. I have never believed in   
faith. But I do now. It's pulling us apart. I wish I could  
tell her. But I know she would stop me from going. She would  
insist to go with me. That is so Scully. But I will not let  
them take her again. I will never let anyone harm her again. She  
has been to much that I'm still amazed that she's still   
standing. But she's strong. I hope she will be strong enough  
to survive this. I vowed once to never hurt her. I'm going to  
break that promise now. I hope she will forgive me. Maybe  
one day.  
- Mulder, what's wrong?  
She's awake and looks straight at me. I can't help but smile.  
She knows me so well.  
- Nothing is wrong. Go back to sleep.  
- Tell me. What's wrong? I can see something is bothering you.  
Tell me.  
- I can't.  
- Yes, you can.  
I wish I could. I wish I could tell her what lies a head. I   
take her hand in mine and kiss it gently.  
- Scully, please.  
Her eyes are so dark. She looks at me, smiles and says:  
- I trust you.  
I never thought those three words could hurt so. But they did.  
I wanted to scream out to the world that this wasn't fair. It  
wasn't suppose to end like this.   
- There is so much I want to tell you.  
- I know you do and maybe you will one day. I can wait.  
My heart is racing in my chest as I move closer to her. I can't  
take this any longer. I want to feel her close. I want to show  
her how she moves my world. She trembles a bite as I lean   
closer. She doesn't move away from me. She doesn't push me   
away. I want this. I have wanted this for years now. I don't  
care anymore. I don't care about rules and regulation. I don't  
care about what is right and proper. I want her more than I   
ever thought was possible. The passion that burns inside me  
is so strong that it's ready to explode in my chest. Her lips  
is soft against mine. I used to dream about this moment. This  
was nothing like my dreams. It was better. I move away from   
her and look at her. Her smile tells me what I wanted to know.  
This isn't the wrong thing to do. The second kiss was nothing  
like the first. This is stronger, fed by our passion. She  
opens up to my and let me come closer. I feel dizzy as I run  
my tongue, tracing the inside of her lip. My hands find   
their way under her shirt and feels they way up her back. She  
has the softest skin. Her hands trembles a bite as she   
unbuttons my shirt and pull me closer. I never thought heaven  
could be like this. I never thought heaven could taste like   
this. My hands tremble as I undress her and lay her down on  
the bed. She is so beautiful. She takes my hand and whispers  
my name. I take her hand and go to her. Fear is creeping closer  
as I lay down beside her. Fear that she might resent me after-  
wards, fear that she doesn't feel the same. But as I look into  
her eyes I know that I should stop worrying. I'm in the   
presence of an angel. She gives herself without any hesitation.  
As we come together I know I have found my haven.  
She falls asleep in my arms. The moon comes into through the  
window and I can't help but to smile in the darkness of the   
room. I fear that if I fall asleep she will go away. So I pull  
her closer. What have I done to deserve an angel in my life?  
I used to think I was whole, that I was complete. Than she  
came along and opened my eyes to this world. So how can I let  
go of her? How can I let go of the one thing in my life that   
is pure, that is right? My heart aches when I look down at her.  
I would miss her smile. That little smile that warms my heart  
so. I never thought a smile could knock me of my feet. I would  
miss her voice. I would miss these hands that has such power  
over me. I would miss these arms. I would miss this face. How  
can I leave her? Would she hate me? Would she forget about me?  
Would she wait for me? The thought that anyone else than me   
would touch her, kiss her makes me feel weak. I can't expect  
her to wait. I wouldn't do that to her. She deserves so much.  
She deserves to fall madly in love. She deserves a white   
wedding. She deserves to give birth and experience the joy  
of being a mother. She says her place in with me, but I have  
come to doubt that. She shouldn't give upon her dreams. And  
I do know that she dreams of another life. She hasn't told  
me, but I can see in her eyes sometimes that she longs for  
something else. I wish I could give her everything she wants.  
But I can't. The only thing I can give her is her life back.  
And that I will do. Even though it hurts me so.   
I have never feared the daylight as I do now. Some might say  
that I'm coward to keep this from her. But I know what she   
would say. She would convince me to stay or to take her with   
me. But I can't and I won't. I love her too much to let her  
stay with me. It would only cause her more pain and I will not  
let that happen ever again. She has lost so many because of me.  
Yet she has stayed by my side, believing in me. She is my   
partner, my friend and my only love. Now it's time to let her  
go. It's time to let her free from this cage. She needs to be  
free. She doesn't need these chains to way her down. I'm   
letting her go now. It's time to end this now. Here is where  
the story ends. I hope she will understand one day. I hope  
she will forgive me.   
I need to find my own way and maybe one day I will find my  
way back to her.  
  
FEEDBACK:::::::::::::::::PLEASE........j_rothen@yahoo.se 


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